Lesson 10: Anata & Kimi (you & you)

A fellow long-term resident in Japan recently contacted me and told me that I should not use any reference to the word "anata" (you). It is not used in Japan like the English use of the word. Rather it is used by women to call their husbands or lovers, or used in a derrogatory sense. In a way, this is true. People tend to use the names instead of the pronouns when talking to a person.

However I do know some people that use it in regular ways, and there is no bad feeling meant at all. Also, I feel that even though it may not be a commonly-used word in the Japanese vocabulary, it is, nonetheless important to learn the basics. ANATA does exist. Some people DO use it. Some in good ways, some in not so good ways.

The choice is entirely up to you, how you wish to use the word. The person who contacted me did have a very valid, understandable and logical reason for his comment on this topic and I thank him for it.

Another interesting point is that about six years ago as of this writing, when I first met my partner from Hong Kong (she is Hong Kong Chinese and her name is Mikie, pronounced by her as "Micky Mouse no Micky"), I discovered that she did not like the term "kimi". She is fluent in Japanese as well, having lived and worked in Osaka for 7 years. She learned that kimi was a term for "you" that was used by men to "look down on subordinates".

Since she and I are equals, she felt it inappropriate for me to use. Again, there is truth to this. Bosses often use it to men when they are giving them orders and so forth. It is not usually used when referring directly to women. Coming from a native-English background, I find it difficult to always call the person I am talking to by their name. We use the pronoun "you" in English. Therefore in Japanese I also prefer to use it.

I acquiesed to her wish and no longer call her kimi. I still use it with others because they do not mind me calling them kimi at all (both men and women) and they know that I am not using it to look down on them in any way, but rather in a very close, friendly way. This is good for us all.

The times have changed and Japanese is a living language. Young women (i.e. teenagers) often call boys or other girls kimi in ordinary conversation. They also call themselves "boku" (I, me) which would have been unheard of in a half-generation past! How times and language change. Watashi (sometimes atashi to make it even softer) is used by older women in their 30s as well as people working in a more formal situation. Only the teenagers really use boku/kimi indiscriminately, but that is par for the course in any culture I believe. Teenagers are a race of their own!

- Sensei

Next Lesson: Lesson 11: Is the toilet really far? (Questions & Adjectives)